Through centuries of writing down laws and regulations of normality in societies, a loophole in the legislation appeared. Its name was ‘miracle’, with the art of surprising, and hopefully being accepted by, the people with loves of order and predictability.
Through centuries of writing down laws and regulations of normality in societies, a loophole in the legislation appeared. Its name was ‘miracle’, with the art of surprising, and hopefully being accepted by, the people with loves of order and predictability. So much so these folks loved having knowledge and control what they see and touch, they took the child Miracle and operate-conditioned it to have standards, to take in qualifications and reservations to remain supernatural.
Being adopted by parents called ‘commonfolk’, Miracle had learned to receive gifts of effort, work put into it to trade for miracles. Relative Emily Dickinson had noticed this act of selling and buying the child’s magic that she had written in her poem Hope is the Thing With Feathers: “Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul. Yet… it asked a crumb of me.” Through a few sentences on poetry, she had informed readers that Miracle had grown to ask for sacrifice from economics’ teachers, that selling occurrences of its wonders make more benefit for itself over giving it away as charity. The markets taught the child to maintain its surprises due to its parents’ standards learned when growing up.
Adolescent years came with Erik Erikson’s theory of teenagers’ need for being accepted as an individual as well as a member of a community. Miracle had no exception of the life stages of wanting insurance of a place to fit in and still stand out. The ‘angel’ from Marquez’s short story “An Old Man with Very Enormous Wings” had suffered in the same manner when its presence in a small town was confused with him being the Grim Reaper of a family’s sick child. Without acceptance as a humanoid person with emotions, the ‘old man’ was left in a chicken coup with little bugs as companions. Reading of this case, Miracle realized what Commonfolk has done to its once childlike innocence, deciding it shall slyly twist the standards of what a magical Miracle should be.
When the musical film “Fiddler on the Roof” was released, Miracle laid back on its chair as its plan initiated. A newlywed from the tale sang of Christian and Jewish tales of old, the “wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles” in his solo Miracle of Miracles, whilst followers of the faiths sang with him. Audiences heard the man sing of a God with unending love and grace, yet Miracle knew better. Its creation of ‘religion’ spoke of salvation and wonders for all, yet the footnotes of the religion texts required the person trust in the words of the gods, that all you needed to give for hopes was lifelong faith and following of the superior entity or two. Work and acceptance soon fell into the donation boxes of synagogues and churches, and Miracle saw family members of Commonfolk bow at its feet.
Miracle, now a businessperson like its ancestors and predecessors, now sits upon its cotton-seated throne whilst humans in need of its magic pay respects, give sacrifices of physical efforts and written philosophies. The queue of over seven billion desperate ones comes up with differed names for this superior being: God, science, friends, family, natural laws. Those who exclude themselves from the long wait of Miracle are the true winners of the game they don’t know of; the ones chattering with fellow patients of Miracle are none the wiser.
Megan Lim - Style
I would term this piece as “resourceful” since the essay mainly consists of quotations about books that regard the situation of a miracle happening. I would advise a more personal input with the readers, your own opinion on the subject, instead of quotations and book mentions for the majority of your essay. For instance you could add, after mentioning the story of “An Old Man with Very Enormous Wings” you could present your own take on how the old man should’ve reacted, and/or if Miracle had had an alternate approach, letting the town not confuse the old man as a Grim Reaper, but simply a human. Overall, it was a decent with a fair amount of sources mentioned, but a sense of originality would be appreciated.
Terry Guo - Evidence
The concept of the essay—the different stages of miracle’s life—is very creative and effectively captures the attention of the reader. Considering the creative nature of this essay, the quoting of fictional pieces, which would otherwise lacking credibility in non-fiction, is appropriate in this case. There are some instances in the essay, however, where the use of evidence does not contribute much to the overarching meaning of the essay. For starters, the lack of a link between the concepts of “hope” and “miracle” is not effectively established, rendering the Dickinson quotation ineffective. Moreover, the misquoting of Emily Dickinson’s poem “Hope is the Thing With Feathers” also reduces the credibility of the author. The example from “An Old Man With Very Large Wings” also seems to be a bit far-stretched when it comes to its connection with miracle’s “need for being accepted as an individual as well as a member of a community” when compared to the suffering that the “old man” had to go through. The most relevant piece of evidence in this essay was reference to “Miracle of Miracles” in the third paragraph. However, the mentioning of god was a bit abrupt and the paragraph would benefit greatly with more elaboration on the relationship between god and miracles. Overall, the piece has a great concept, but its message would benefit greatly from a better integration of fictional evidence.
Review by Jack:
Content: It was sufficient, with each point using a piece of evidence you’ve learnt in the 2017 curriculum. Apart from Emily Dickinson’s poem, the rest were well applied to support your points. I got the message that humans tried to shape Miracle; and in return, Miracle took control of humans. It’s a striking message, ironic even, which is a key philosophy at the heart of our curriculum.
Style: I love the idea of tracing Miracle’s journey through life as its standards develop and change, having it personified. It makes the originally abstract concept of the essay prompt come alive, and makes it easier to understand. It’s told like a fairy tale (the vibe I receive), or a fable, which is similar to the warning tone of ‘The Alphabet Conspiracy’. It’s told from an outsider’s point of view- like a supreme being’s telling the story while we’re the subjects- which is a new perspective and helps the reader think outside the box. Organization: This essay was well structured with a developed point per paragraph as well as your intro and conclusion. It’s a simple structure, but clear enough to separate Miracle’s journey into stages, each with a piece of evidence and explanation (the Point, Evidence, Explanation structure is probably widely learnt). It’s great you kept it simple, clear and readable here. You have no idea how many people can’t use paragraphs effectively.
Review by Max:
Content: The idea of incorporating the 2017 curriculum into your piece was well executed and effective. It really helped to string your piece into a coherent, easy to understand , train of words; since most (if not all) of the curriculum is tightly bound by a set of core themes, it allows one piece of evidence to easily flow to another. The effects of telling a story, through borrowing from other poems and stories are that it adds more layers of depth to your narrative while strengthening your voice throughout. Because by doing this, you have effectively curated stories to share within your own story.
Style: It was a smart decision to personify the concept of Miracle, since conveying your thoughts on an abstract and intangible idea would often be needed to be done through a medium in which the reader can relate to. I liked how you told Miracle’s story as it develops from a child to an adult; this form of storytelling really serves to add an intrinsic sense of time and movement into your piece, which amplifies the poetic nature of your portrayal.
Organisation: There is definitely a sense of a start, and a finish in your piece - this is crucial. Although simple, the structure of your piece brought attention to what you had to say, and not so much how, or in what order you said them. I am almost tempted to say a more bold or even abstract structure would have given off a different overall tone to your thoughts. But still, the organisation of your piece definitely has its merits.